About last night
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
It seems obvious now. The problem wasn't having the baby in the same room as me, the problem was having the baby sounds in the same room.
And so having a monitor in the room is exactly the same as having Jakob himself in the room.
We, the exciting folk that we are, headed up to bed at 11. We'd first put Jakob in his crib a few hours earlier and brought the monitor downstairs while we ate delivered pizza and watched Top Secret! and did laundry. After his last feed for the day, we put him down again, and soon after called it a night.
Oooh, the glee! Sharing a bed with my husband!! Although I was still wearing flannel and couldn't remember the last time I had shaved my legs, at least the bedsheets were fresh.
Of course, I still needed to milk myself. Werner somehow kept himself awake until I was finished, and then we enjoyed a nice snuggle. (Flannel, remember!)
The first burst of anxiety: I suddenly realised that anyone who broke into our house could steal the baby without having to physically get past one of us. That was about 11:45.
At 12:15 am, I heard Jakob's cries on the monitor. I leapt out of bed and dashed down the hall. He had lost his soother, and once I had re-plugged him, he happily went back to sleep.
A few minutes after settling myself back into bed, a repeat performance. I returned at 12:38, having stuffed myself with earplugs.
They didn't work. When Werner spoke to me, I couldn't hear him at all, but I was still able to hear Jakob's sounds as though the monitor was transmitting right to my skull.
At 1:09 am, Werner packed up the monitor and headed back to the guest room. I couldn't sleep because of Jakob's sounds, and Werner couldn't sleep because he knew I couldn't sleep.
I cried. I cried and cried and then I cried some more.
It was well past 2 before I finally fell asleep, and even then I slept fitfully. I missed Werner. I was so happy to think I'd finally, at last, wake up the next morning all snuggled into him. I was disappointed that that wasn't going to happen. And I was angry with myself, too.
Werner thinks it might have been too much for me all at once. He has a point. I need to overcome my anxiety about having Jakob in a room by himself. Maybe once I've conquered that milestone, I'll be able to relax and not be so hypersensitive to his little sounds.
In the meantime, we sleep apart even yet. And when my mom comes to visit, she'll inherit the monitor along with the guest bed.
It seems obvious now. The problem wasn't having the baby in the same room as me, the problem was having the baby sounds in the same room.
And so having a monitor in the room is exactly the same as having Jakob himself in the room.
We, the exciting folk that we are, headed up to bed at 11. We'd first put Jakob in his crib a few hours earlier and brought the monitor downstairs while we ate delivered pizza and watched Top Secret! and did laundry. After his last feed for the day, we put him down again, and soon after called it a night.
Oooh, the glee! Sharing a bed with my husband!! Although I was still wearing flannel and couldn't remember the last time I had shaved my legs, at least the bedsheets were fresh.
Of course, I still needed to milk myself. Werner somehow kept himself awake until I was finished, and then we enjoyed a nice snuggle. (Flannel, remember!)
The first burst of anxiety: I suddenly realised that anyone who broke into our house could steal the baby without having to physically get past one of us. That was about 11:45.
At 12:15 am, I heard Jakob's cries on the monitor. I leapt out of bed and dashed down the hall. He had lost his soother, and once I had re-plugged him, he happily went back to sleep.
A few minutes after settling myself back into bed, a repeat performance. I returned at 12:38, having stuffed myself with earplugs.
They didn't work. When Werner spoke to me, I couldn't hear him at all, but I was still able to hear Jakob's sounds as though the monitor was transmitting right to my skull.
At 1:09 am, Werner packed up the monitor and headed back to the guest room. I couldn't sleep because of Jakob's sounds, and Werner couldn't sleep because he knew I couldn't sleep.
I cried. I cried and cried and then I cried some more.
It was well past 2 before I finally fell asleep, and even then I slept fitfully. I missed Werner. I was so happy to think I'd finally, at last, wake up the next morning all snuggled into him. I was disappointed that that wasn't going to happen. And I was angry with myself, too.
Werner thinks it might have been too much for me all at once. He has a point. I need to overcome my anxiety about having Jakob in a room by himself. Maybe once I've conquered that milestone, I'll be able to relax and not be so hypersensitive to his little sounds.
In the meantime, we sleep apart even yet. And when my mom comes to visit, she'll inherit the monitor along with the guest bed.
posted by Melanie A at 10:20 a.m.
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